Today I should be able to say that I have gone 71 days without viewing porn and masturbating. But I can’t.
Today is day 1.
Last night I finally gave in to the temptation, as I have done so many times before.
It happened because of the reasons it usually happens. I was at home on my own in the evening, reading various blogs, when I came across an article about an actress I have a bit of a crush on. I thought to myself, I’ll just quickly Google her…and then pretty soon I was switching off Safe search and looking for the most illicit picture of her I could find. I found a blog after a while on Google that had lots of images of celebrities and random models, and finally ended up masturbating to two images that had nothing to do with the actress. Instead, I found myself wanking to two voluptuous 20 year olds with doe eyes.
There are many reasons why I don’t want to masturbate at all, let alone while looking at porn. I know the broad consensus is that there is nothing wrong with porn, but as I will explain in future posts, it is definitely wrong for me…and I suspect if others were honest they would see it as wrong for them too.
I’m not a fan of shame and beating myself up for these failures, but I did fail last night. The point of this blog is primarily to give me something to do on the Internet whenever the beast stirs, but also to help me keep track of the days and most importantly to remind me that I’m in recovery.