Recovering Porn Guy

Tag: Success

Day 56

Well, I made it through my struggles last night and feel better about today so far.

One thing that helped last night was my wife coming home much earlier than I expected. Not long ago, that would have been a reason for extreme panic – there I would be surfing porn, possibly in the middle of something a little unseemly, and I would hear a key in the front door…horror!

Now that I don’t actually do such things, hearing a key in the door is just a pleasant surprise – as it should be when your wife comes home early.

Day 45

I’ve been meaning to put this together for about a week now. I’ve been posting fairly frequently on r/NoFap to encourage people to make a list of their triggers and commit to certain actions to replace masturbation as the default response. I thought I should post my full list here as an example of what that might look like. If you struggle getting past the early days of recovery, then you might find this strategy helpful.

The process is simple:
When you are not feeling any urges at all, examine yourself carefully. Think about all of the times you are likely to relapse and what kind of thoughts and feelings usually go along with that. List these. They are your ‘Triggers’.

Once you have a comprehensive list of triggers, think about what an appropriate response to each one might be. For it to be appropriate it needs to be something realistic, a solid distraction, and easy to start immediately. These are your ‘Actions’.

You might find that you don’t come up with every trigger right away. If at a later date you find yourself feeling urges and it was triggered by something you hadn’t thought of, take the opportunity to immediately add it to your list of triggers and add an appropriate action, then do the action instead of relapsing.

So here is mine, I hope it can help some people:

Triggers and actions

See sexy women –

look away immediately. Repeat many times: “we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor 10:5). Start internal dialogue along the lines of why I don’t want to view women as sex objects. (See below)

Alone with Internet access –

If temptation comes, visit http://reddit.com/r/nofap and look at my badge. Then leave encouraging comments for other nofappers. Listen to a worship CD while doing this. If I’m still struggling, write a post for this blog outlining some aspect of why I do not want to relapse. This might include some semi-shameful anecdote to remind me of some of the pathetic mistakes I have made and do not wish to repeat.

Alone and horny, no net access –

Worship CD. Read my Bible and pray. Do some exercise (push ups, sit ups).

Depressed / upset –

If it’s daytime, go for a run. Worship CD, Bible, prayer. Visit NoFap for encouragement.

Sexually frustrated –

Remind myself that I am not entitled to free orgasms! Remind myself there are Nofappers doing it on ‘hard mode’ (no girlfriend/wife and no sex). Exercise. Think of ways to treat my wife and show her I love her. Recognise my own need to feel loved in non-sexual ways.

Facebook –

Police self very carefully. Whenever I’m tempted to view students’ profiles, I must disconnect immediately and visit NoFap. No excuses. Repeat 2 Cor 10:5 (Take captive every thought…)

Casually dressed students –

Take captive every thought…treat the same way as ‘view sexy women’ above (internal dialogue, etc). Police own behaviour over the following days. The chaser effect after this is always strong…

Semi-up skirt view of students in class –

If I can see up a student’s skirt, treat the same way as ‘view sexy women’, and MOVE so that I can’t keep seeing up skirt.

An example of the internal dialogue – why I don’t want to view women as purely sex objects:

“All women are equal with men and were also created in the image of God. They are my sisters in Christ. The world has constructed a false status for women whereby they are completely subservient to men. This has led to a culture in which the desire for male pleasure has surpassed the desire for female dignity. Men have subjugated women and tricked them into taking part in a porn culture. This thinking has also led to sexual slavery taking place in every country around the world and prostitution has become a common relief for poverty.

One day I may have daughters, and I do not want them to live in a world where this kind of thinking is prevalent. I don’t want her boyfriends and husband to view her in this way. If I have sons, I do not want them to be enslaved themselves in the kind of addiction I have developed.

If I continue to view women only as sex objects, I’m am continuing to feed this aspect in society. Instead of perving on women, I should speak up against the over sexualisation of culture and be an advocate for women’s rights and equality.”

Day 41

I wrote this on r/nofap yesterday, and I wanted to post it here to keep a record of it:

I read in the paper this morning about a subreddit dedicated to creepy candid shots of women.

I checked it out, to see if the paper’s version of creepy was as creepy as I have been in the past. It was. I saw images a lot like the surreptitious ones I used to take with my cell phone camera. I actually developed a couple of pretty slick techniques for capturing these sorts of images…

I shouldn’t have looked, really, given that it so closely aligns with my own triggers, but I clicked on a few images anyway. I’m happy to report though that I did not relapse as a result. No touching, no full on boner, and no sticking around for any significant length of time. I actually just felt a bit sad for the fact that this subreddit exists and that if I had found it 6 months ago I probably would be contributing to it regularly.

Now I just feel a bit disgusted by the whole thing, which is fantastic from my perspective.

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Looking back on that from yesterday, I’m really pleased with how things are developing at the moment. Porn really doesn’t have the same pull at the moment that it used to.

I’m sure there will be really tough days ahead, but every day has been feeling easier recently.

Day 33

The last week has been surprisingly easy. I have had a couple of brief urges to look at porn or be the creepy Facebook stalker I can sometimes be, but since I wrote about my worst habits and triggers a while ago I have had a better handle on them.

My urges go away pretty easily.

Actually, having said that, I did go through a phase last weekend of allowing myself long lie ins in which I would fantasize about one of my students. Not the best way to overcome my problem. But to my credit, I didn’t look them up on Facebook like I would have before, or have to fap about it.

Still, it’s a good motivation for me to just get straight out of bed when I wake up so I am not tempted to tease myself in that way again.

Anyway, it’s been a good week, so I won’t get too bogged down in pity or shame. I’m feeling pretty good about my recovery at the moment.

Day 11

Today has the potential to be another bad day, accept for the fact that I will not be at home alone tonight. Or for the rest of the week, for that matter. So the odds are that it will all wear off.

Anyway, today I was confronted, for an extended period of time, with one of my strongest triggers. It has driven me nuts. My imagination kicked into sexual fantasy gear for several hours.

I have managed to avoid porn though, which is good. Normally, a day like today would result in me seeking out a particular type of porn – but not today.

This is a small, but significant bit of progress.

However, just like there is a chaser effect for relapses, I also think the is a chaser effect for the stimulation this particular trigger always causes me. I will have to be vigilant over the next few days.

Wish me luck.